I believe that I have come to the conclusion that I am not happy here. My life does not feel fulfilling in this place. My work does not quicken me, and in fact I am appalled by my distaste for my surroundings. I've been having an increasingly difficult time answering repetitive questions here, and I came to an important realization: the reason that I don't like answering repetitive questions is because I don't love the things that they are asking about. My heart doesn't sing when I drive through a tree, so I try to hold back the stupidity I feel while I explain which exit to get off and how much they charge. I don't find Stout Grove to be anything overly spectacular, so I am holding myself back from rolling my eyes when people freak out that they can't get there with their motorhomes. On the other hand, I actually like Mill Creek Trail - lots of private swimming holes! - so when folks are interested in that, I am glad to tell them the tricks to find the trailhead. Boy Scout Tree Trail is halfway decent, with some pretty remarkable trees, so I'm alright answering those questions too.
So I have come to the conclusion that where there is no love for the resource, there is less regard for the visitor's love for the resource. That is to say that we don't have the same love in common. Conversely, when people show distaste for that which you love, it's hard not to take it personally. And that is why I was able to last three years at Bodie and one season at Sequoia. It's why I probably shouldn't have done a second season here at Redwood.
What now? I'm working on that, but I really don't think that we can stay here much longer.
Until next time!
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