Accumulation

 Moving makes one think about things. Stuff. Objects. The flotsam and jetsam of a life in this consumerist, capitalist world.

We've maintained a storage unit in Paradise since before the fire. The initial plan was to move all our stuff into our next place (we were in-between homes at the time), but then the fire happened, then we couldn't find a rental the size of our previous two rentals, and then we were only able to downsize and not to actually sort through our things. Months turned into years, and there it sat. We'd go there occasionally to retrieve something or other. But there just wasn't the room in this current home to put these things. Meanwhile, at our current house the accoutrements of life piled up, between random freebies that we accumulated, unnecessary (but certainly well-meaning) gifts from family members and friends, the leftovers from this craft and that planned-for idea... this stuff is all around us, a sea that us fish can't see until we're moving from one pond to the next. Oh my, how much clutter there is! how quickly it grows!

We have done better at weeding out what isn't needed in our lives, I believe, though it's taken quite a lot of effort and it feels much more of a two-steps forward, one-step back type scenario. When we moved out of our house in Crescent City several years ago, we got a 26' Uhaul and packed it to the gills, then drove our vehicles packed to the gills on a round trip or two (or three? I can't recall) in order to get everything out. This time we're moving a lot less cubic yards of stuff, so we must have achieved something in moving the needle from consumerist chaos towards minimalist bliss. But only ever-so-slightly. The lure of projects yet to be made, the overabundance of clothes that only suit particular moods, the clinging to things because of the strange emotional associations of the psyche... all of these continue to ravage the would-be empty spaces in our home. The most interesting observation of married life: when one of us is ready to part with something, the other is still holding on, even when it doesn't make sense. Perhaps someday these tendencies will be quieter and more the loser than the victor. Perhaps that shift is already in progress.

Today I went on the fb and scrolled the ignominious "home page". Every few posts it sought to entice me to add something to my home. Awhile back I got off ig because of the prevalence of the advertising. I wanted to see and hear from my friends, not get convinced that I needed to drink "Mud water" (whatever the heck that is). And the more time I spend on fb, the more I see these same advertisements chasing me around, breaking down my resistance to over-consumption. Meanwhile, I rarely feel that I glean much of real contact from the platform, whilst I gather (from the complaints I hear after periodic parings down of my "friends" list) that a decent number of people use it to gather information on me and what I'm up to... Still, even in social media my life accumulates. I've been going in and deleting my "memories" whenever they come up, reducing my online footprint. This has been ongoing for at least six months now, I think. Yet it doesn't feel like enough...

I'm tired of the fb, guys. I was off it before and perfectly pleased. The only reason I got on it again was to make sure I knew when roller derby practices were cancelled. Well, I don't live in Crescent City anymore and I'm no longer on the roller derby team. So I find it very tempting, as we approach a new year, to ditch the fb once more, delete my account and call it a wrap, start 2022 with one less social media burden. For those desiring to look me up, the blog will still be here. And I don't think Jack will be getting off fb anytime soon either. I have no intention of changing my email address or my cell phone number at present, and if I did I would be sure to let everyone who communicates with me on either one know. But I just can't honestly say that fb adds anything beneficial to my life that isn't there without it, while I know that it draws my attention away from activities I could be doing, like exercising, crafting, writing, or connecting with friends in real life.

This isn't a final, official decision. I'm still weighing it out. But I've been thinking heavily on this lately, and it feels like the right thing to do for myself at this time. When I do make my mind up, I'll be sure to post about it so folks have the opportunity to be in the loop and know how to "follow" me or connect with me or whatever else. But consider this a heads up. If you don't know how to contact me outside of this platform, and you want to, now is a good time to reach out.

Until next time!

The Winds of Change

It's been a very busy Autumn, and I haven't had a chance to properly update this blog in a couple months. This is partly because of something that I've kept somewhat under wraps for the last several weeks: we're moving to Washington!

After a lengthy job hunt, I've finally found my quarry and am headed to the Portland area to start the next chapter in my career.

I have loved "nesting in the heart of the Sierra Nevada" for the last few years. Sipping from a mug of something special on our porch as I gaze out across the canyon at layers upon layers of trees and mountains beyond has been pure indulgence. And not only were we blessed with a good view, but with good neighbors too, who made us feel welcome and like someone had our back on the mountain. I can only hope that we were able to return the favor during our time here.

Every season in the Sierra was something new. The winter snows, trying to put in my share of shoveling 3-5 feet deep of snow that fell in 48 hours, really tested my mettle (and yes, probably gave me an early stage of hernia).

The spring wildflowers captivated me, and inspired an entire series of videos where I got paid to go find them and learn about them for work. 

The summers were intense beasts that galloped by while I clung to the reins of schedules and weekend getaway schemes, then left me to the smoke and long hours of fire assignments in its wake. 

And the autumn, like the one that we are partway through now, was a welcome riot of blazing color that I had missed during our years of life on the ocean.

I cannot express how my heart would thrill every time I drove over the crest of Sonora Pass and saw my dear Eastern Sierra, and knowing that it was so close with my friends and favorite places to boot, brought me great joy throughout my time here. I only wish, now that I'm leaving, that I had taken more advantage of it!

The last few years haven't been what I dreamed they would be, but they were hugely gratifying in all that I learned: about myself, about navigating my career, about how public lands functions beyond the simple customer service interactions that were my bread and butter. When I accepted the job, I thought I was going to be a career seasonal who worked the front desk 182.5 days a year; what I ended up with was a year-round job where I led an interpretive department, trained new interpreters, scheduled outside presenters, got my red card, went out on fire assignments as a public information officer, learned how to process recreation residence permits, and started assisting people who had long-term, multi-generational investments in their public lands - beyond just the casual day tripper. 

I've learned a lot about myself as well. I've learned that I LOVE making work schedules, filling out forms, and creating and managing databases and spreadsheets, and that I'm really good at it. That with the proper work-life balance, that nerdy kid who spent all day making bar graphs on her parents' computer in the basement can coexist with the one who found wonder in the great outdoors and spent summers barefoot and after-school hours riding bikes and playing sports with casual gusto. 

And if you haven't put it together yet, let me spell it out plainly here: my poor, introverted self is finally getting a break from situational extroversion. After ten years of being in the public eye - presenting programs and working front desks at visitor centers and ranger stations - this next job is going to put me behind the curtain. For the first time in ten years, my time outdoors will be completely my own. I won't have to worry about someone interrupting my reverie in the whisper of an autumn breeze to ask me how to open a bear-proof trash can. Well, maybe I will. But at least I'll have the option to pretend I didn't hear them. :)

This is going to be a big change, in many ways. And as through everything (except randomly ALL of 2020???), I expect that this blog will continue. If anything, I hope that my new job will free up time for my creative brain to get up and stretch, so that this blog can be an outlet for more of the nature writings that I love to create.