29 November 2010

Out of the woods.

Currently listening to Dashboard Confessional, Swiss Army Romance

It's a blustery, rainy, cold night in Chicago. I'm back in the city, this time for the last time - well, sort of, in the non-permanent sense. Anyway, it's the big haul. The last few weeks before the end of the semester. I have a senior thesis and a term paper to finish (okay, I haven't started the term paper, but I still have to finish it either way), a presentation to give and a lab report to turn in. And heaven knows it's all going to be done before I know it.

I can't help but be a bit reflective. It's been a rough-and-tumble semester. I waited so long for a beautiful fall, but was greeted so often by warm days; when I wanted snow, I got bitter, biting cold and now a driving rain. All things beautiful in their own right, but my raincoat doesn't keep me warm in the cold, and my winter coat doesn't keep me dry in the rain. I have found that my flannel only goes so far, and, having worn it so much, it is sadly wearing thin. Do I get a new one? do I wear this one 'til it dies? 'til it is so threadbare and sad that I simply can't bear to put it on anymore? And of course, the all-consuming question: how could any other one be the same?

There is a distinct gap wherein faith and fear fight for first. But I don't think one can completely dilute the one without having some consistency of the other.

I've learned a lot about myself this semester. I've learned what I am capable of, both good and bad. I've learned the things I should and shouldn't do - with my time, in my relationships, in academics. I've been offered opportunities and I've turned opportunities down. I've been bitter and I've been blessed. I would say that fall semesters in general are rough times for me, but I can remember rather enjoying my first fall semester, and that gives me hope that perhaps next year will be different. After all, it'll be my senior year, and I'll be taking pretty much whatever classes I want. But I have to wonder: coming back from a semester in Africa, and most probably another summer in the Sierras, what would make me come back to the city? I'm not sure it can ever be as good for me as it was - or that it ever was at all. I will see this through, but I will be so glad when it's over and I can go back to my rural areas and woods.

23 November 2010

Thanksgiving

Tonight I'm staying up an extra hour to get things taken care of before tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a big day: laundry and homework in the morning, finishing packing, then off to the library for a last long haul of writing before the weekend. Once I've worn myself out there, it'll be back to the apartment to type up all that I've written tonight and tomorrow and send it to myself, then off to Ohlson or some similar locale to print it off before I meet up with Kathleen and crew to head south, east, and north to Michigan. Yep, it's going to be a big, busy day.

My goal was to have my term paper done by Monday, but the sheer amount of work made me realize that I should aim a little later. So the next goal was to have it done by Thanksgiving break. As it turns out, a surprise ear infection rearing its ugly head on Monday morning would take away a day's worth of writing, and other related events would have similar effects on how much time I was able to spend in the library today. So, in all likelihood, I won't finish this paper tomorrow. Kind of sad, but at least I'll be able to edit all of the beginning and rework it and everything this weekend, which will bring me that much closer to the final product.

So, all this being said, I believe it is time for me to head to bed. Tomorrow is waiting, but I have to fall asleep first. And with everything that needs to be done, it'd be best if I could get a head start.

:)

21 November 2010

6 weeks.

Six weeks from today I will be in Chicago, boarding a plane that will take me to London. I'll wander around Heathrow and wherever else until 5 o'clock and then fly half a day down to Johannesburg. I'll switch planes and fly an hour to Botswana, to Gaborone. Where hopefully someone will meet me...


Six weeks from now, hopefully I will have found that mysteriously disappeared skillet....

18 November 2010

Eventide E-lliteration

The clot of exhaust from a warming car engine has a sick smell to it when coupled with the bite of a crisp, cool November night. It is a night with skies that may as well be clear but for the splotches of gray that crisscross the scattering of stars, visible on this unique night that can only be contained under the ambiguous heading of "early winter in Chicago". Winter is not here yet, as is plain by the lack of snow and the sun that breaks through every-so-often from somewhere beyond the clouds. Yet it is clearly November. That is, the season of crispness: when one looks out or walks out or is out and, looking up at those solid white walls of clouds, seemingly without variation or shift, a single word comes to mind. Bleak. Not that I don't like bleak. In fact, there is something enticingly beautiful about how the red brick and the leafless trees' silhouettes stand so strongly against that white background, stoic symbols of life in a world that could be confused for dying. It is a beauty that they don't have in evergreen places, and I wonder if they would appreciate it.

All this is to say that the night is average, and so is the day, but I am seeking out the beauty in it just the same. I spent four hours in the library today. Certainly not the most time I have ever spent, but perhaps the most so far this semester? at least in one sitting. It was going to be three, but a meeting was shortened and it became four. Just the same, I only wrote three pages in that time, so I suppose it didn't really matter. Anyway, it was really just a precursur for tomorrow - a warm-up, if you will. My intention is to spend the whole day in the library tomorrow: from about noon until they kick me out at ten in the evening, if I can last that long. I have to admit that my library stamina does not appear to be what it used to be. Still, I am quite certain that sheer determination and will shall win the day. I have every intention of finishing the first draft of my senior thesis by Monday, when presentations begin. And while I am rather certain that it is not actually going to happen, I have resolved myself to pushing as hard as I can to get as close to completion as possible. My secondary goal, of course, is to be finished by Thanksgiving break. That way I can go home and nestle myself in a cozy place with a big mug of cocoa and go over the whole thing with my editor-red pen that, by then, I will have acquired in one way or another. That way, perhaps, I will be able to call my work "done" by the end of that weekend, more or less, and, with the exception of a few later revisions, I will not have to worry about it for the last couple weeks of the semester.

I can set those two weeks aside for writing my 1960's term paper from start to finish. I'm sure that would be appreciated.


P.S. I should say that I much appreciated the insightful comments on my poll. They are being mulled over, I can assure you. :)

15 November 2010

Poll: Cast your vote!

So I'm taking a quick survey here...

Having been without Facebook for a couple months now, I've been thinking recently about whether or not I should start anew with Facebook, or just stay Facebook-free. If I did get another Facebook account, it would be a blocked/invisible/private/what-have-you account, and I would just add my family members, and maybe a couple close friends, and I would have it for the sole purpose of the ease of sharing pictures and video and the like. On the other hand, I could just stay away from Facebook altogether and go through various other media to get pictures and video to my family, whether that be youtube, picasa, or the like.

So here's your chance: I'd like to know what you think about this. Give me a well-rounded answer, cast your vote, and perhaps influence my decision. :)

14 November 2010

A good day

Today was good. Apart from waking up feeling really achy and having to spend an hour waiting for ibuprofen to kick in, things went along pretty well. I finished my box of Cocoa Wheats for breakfast with a glass of pomegranate-black currant juice on the side. Eventually I got around to dressing myself... in cold-weather biking clothes. :)

I rode to Borders and spent half an hour trying to find a copy of Backpacker Magazine and waiting for the feeling to come back into my fingertips. (I actually couldn't find it, and so spent most of the time trying to pick one of the half dozen cycling magazines instead, and just when I had finally made up my mind: I went around the corner and found a whole stack of Backpacker Mags!) That being done, I got back on the bike and pedaled up and around (having completely lost my sense of direction in the bookstore) and managed to successfully come across the new Aldi on California. It was SO nice! I got to park Charlie inside this cart mud-room of sorts. I picked up a lot of groceries, then pedaled back to the apartment, nice and slow, weighed down, but no longer cold, just taking in the scenery.

I joined Melissa and friends for a brief run to Target, where I picked up what I couldn't find at Aldi, and ice cream as well. After an afternoon nap, I holed up in the basement of the library, surrounded by my books for roughly four hours. When I emerged I had written four more pages and had crossed off another two boxes in my outline/plot-line diagram, and was officially done with the designated Part 1 of 3 in my senior thesis. Hooray!

Feeling rather accomplished, and being on that side of campus already, I decided to go to collegelife, where I was very weirded out by Steve Kelly's discussion of sex in marriage - awkward! Eventually the message was good, but there were so many times that I did not want to be in that room. Back at home again, I scooped up some ice cream in a bowl, went into my room, wrapped myself in a blanket, and watched an episode of Dharma and Greg. Now I'm off to bed. In the morning I have to type up an abstract real quick and the give-and-go of the week will start once more. But for now, I'm going to snuggle up in bed with an extra blanket or two and enjoy some well-earned shuteye.

12 November 2010

Uncertainty.

When I played the piano it was strange. A feeling that I had been harboring for a long time became true to life: the music in my head has stretched itself beyond my own abilities. For quite some time now I have been feeling this, but it was not until last night that it became absolutely, blatantly apparent. After I had exhausted my attempts I found myself lying down on the Hump, my waterproof bag and raincoat beneath me, staring up at the eerie orange clouds and the depthless night sky that lay beyond them. It was no longer raining, but everything was wet, and so was I.

I've wracked my brain for the last several days, trying put a finger on it. I'm not quite sure what, of course. But there's just something not right. I've begun to wonder at my being here - if it's really where I'm supposed to be or not. Strange, I know, as I have always been the one to have the life philosophy that wherever you are is where you're supposed to be. I've been touting that one along with me for some three years and I'm wondering if I was wrong. But it doesn't make sense if it's not right, and so I hold onto it anyways. After all, I learn something new in every situation, no matter how bad, that I get myself into. And every new scar makes the skin stronger. Every new impact serves only to harden the bones.

Tonight I'm sitting the security desk at Carlson Tower. It's a long night, but I'll get paid for it. In the meantime, I watching/listening to "The Secret Garden" on youtube. It's a good movie for how I've felt lately.

Something I stumbled upon

Check this out. I watched these guys' first video blog entry on youtube this morning - it was a side link and, curious, I clicked it. I'm amazed. And curious. I think I might try to keep up with these fellows and see what they're up to and how.

09 November 2010

Still Fighting It

Currently listening to: Still Fighting It, Ben Folds.

This song always makes me nostalgic for something, but I'm never quite sure what. Perhaps it's that memory of my first car, that rusty old 1987 Chevrolet Celebrity station wagon I so affectionately called Simba. That memory where I was driving down Airline Hwy, both front windows hand-rolled down, the cool breeze and warm, decomposing autumn air working their way through and around, my midback-length hair billowing in the current, my left hand following the imaginary curves of a surf in the wind, the blind stereo turned up, and this song calling out the windows as I drove past trees alive with color and roads so familiar to me on my way towards home.

Perhaps that's it.

08 November 2010

Oh, puke.

This weekend I got the stomach flu. I spent all early-morning Sunday in the bathroom. I spent the rest of Sunday on the couch. I tried to go to class today, but I failed and ended up coming home and crashing on the couch again. I'm starting to feel better, but I'm not bouncing back as quickly as I feel like I did when I was a kid. I suppose that's what happens when you get older. I'm currently trying to finish a bowl of cold Ramen noodles that Marlee made for me at about 4 o'clock. Four hours later, and I'm almost done.

Hopefully tomorrow I can eat some real food.

05 November 2010

Fall has flown.

It's one of those cozy nights in the Fort. Marlee, Bekah, Sara, and I are all busy in the Great Hall, each doing their own work, exchanging random tidbits of conversation. Heaters are on and off intermittently - it really just depends on what room you're in; of course, the Outpost has the window open and the heater off, and it's quite comfortable, for Bekah and myself, at least.

Today is that infamous 5th of November, and I'm considering going to the various lounges around campus to see if anyone is watching the movie. Or perhaps I'll just stay inside and enjoy an evening with the roomies. I think I might be leaning towards the latter. It's quite nippy out there to try and find a V for Vendetta showing. But I do love that movie.

I received the admission letter from University of Botswana (which I will start referring to as UB from now on, for the most part), and I just got done emailing them my flight arrival so that I can hopefully be met at the airport and whatnot. I'm getting really excited for next semester - it's becoming more and more real with each passing week, it seems!

Of course, for now I need to focus on making it through this semester. Primarily, right now, my senior thesis, which is coming along quite nicely but, at 5 1/2 pages, is still shy of being even 1/3 of the way done. But the work is coming along, as I said, and I really am enjoying the writing. I just wish that I had the time to spend all my time working on writing it, when in reality I'm running around going to classes, running errands, and doing homework for other courses. No matter. I'm sure it'll get done, as they always do, and I'm sure it will be good, as they always are. And this time next year I will be delighted to look back and know that I don't have to worry about writing my senior thesis anymore. But for now... I suppose I'd better get to work and do something productive tonight.

:)

02 November 2010

Off to the Races



The votes are coming in for state elections, and I have to admit that I'm a bit surprised. Not only did Michigan vote in a Republican governor, but it would appear that (from the not-yet-complete-and-up-to-date results online) republicans took most ofthe other positions too, including state representatives and state senate positions. Granted this could change once they get everything tallied up, but I suppose Michiganders have finally gotten sick of the poor choices democrats have made for our state. Hopefully the change will be good. I'm a bit skeptical about this Rick Snyder dude - after all, he's a businessman, not a politician - but perhaps he's what we need to get the jobs back. He at least talks like he knows the roots of the problems and how to fix them. I just hope he's right, for all our sakes.

Well, that's it on that little note. Now a bit of show off: I carved a pretty great pumpkin for Halloween, and I just wanted to share.

I think it's a face I tend to make, so perhaps that's why I find it so funny. But I love carving pumpkins - I think it's probably one of the few holiday things that I enjoy as far as decorations go. Probably because you get something from it (yummy seeds!) and you can get rid of it when you're done instead of having to store it in a box somewhere 11 months out of the year. And what's more, they're different and new every year!

Of course, I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with any sort of bias I might have because they're called Jack-o-lanterns... :)