The Final Countdown!

That's right, I've now got 10 days left before I leave Bots! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

(did you get the full range of mixed emotions in that one?)

I just got back from probably my last venture out to Main Mall. It was very successful. Perhaps a bit too successful. I owe Kourtney about P95 now, but hey, as soon as I get the refund from the cultural dinner that never happened, I'll be able to pay her back, and I won't even have to go to the ATM again before I leave here! I am completely finished getting presents for my family members, and trinkets for my friends (after a whole day going into just about EVERY store in the Station!!), and I've only got to buy a few food articles for pre-departure consumption and to take home with me, and I'll be done! Oh, and the cost of the shared taxi to the airport. That won't be cheap, but I'll have to set something aside for that too. :)

I'm staring down the barrel of next week and all the exams it brings. Tuesday is Setswana, Wednesday is Afro-Caribbean Lit, and Friday is my two hardest ones: my history exam (Growth, Policy, and Poverty in Africa, Latin America, South and Southeast Asia), and my Principles of Ecology exam. The history one is going to require actual preparation on my part. I'm going to prepare info/outlines for probably 4 possible essays so that I have the facts and figures ready to go when I go in to write the exam. Hopefully I'll be able to remember them all! Eek!

But Friday night will be amazing, because Chimo is going to plait my hair again, and so we'll probably have a little hang-out party in our room. Perhaps I should put out an open invitation on Facebook... we'll see. I mean, we'll be at it all night, so, I don't see why not! I decided that I'm not going to try and throw a goodbye party for the choir. I felt awkward asking other people to plan a party for me (self-centered?), and when I got to thinking about it, I realized that it would be fun until it started to die down and I had to start actually saying goodbye to everyone. I think I prefer the end-of-the-year fade out rather than having to actually say 'goodbye' to everyone. Maybe I'll regret not seeing them all together one last time, but I think it'll just be easier this way.

I actually started packing today. Just a little bit. I've got a packing list for my carry-on so that I can make sure I have everything I'll need in Chicago at-the-ready and won't need to go searching through my checked bags - especially considering that there is always a chance that my checked bags won't make it to Chicago when I do... So I put the trinkets for my friends, a few shirts that I bought here but haven't worn (so that I'll smell nice and new when they see me!:), my shorts (I figure I won't wear them again before I leave since it's cooling off and I wore pants most of the semester anyway), and zipped it up and put it back in the closet. That's all for today.

I've got little countdowns on the sticky notes on my desk wall: counting down the number of apples I have left, the number of oranges, the number of dill pickles; checking off that every day I am doing a little bit of laundry, reading my Bible, trying to study like a normal person, tidying up in my room and throwing away or setting aside things as I see fit. I'm trying hard not to really start packing until next weekend, but when there's so little else to do... it's difficult. Still, I'm figuring out things I can give away, and after the next time I do laundry I'll count out all my shirts and pack the ones that I don't need to wear before I go. Soon I'll be laying out my traveling clothes so that I make sure I don't wear them on accident before I leave. Within the next week I'll finish off my facewash and mouthwash and toothpaste and deodorant and throw them all away so I don't have to pack them.

But at this point I think that I'm rambling. I've gone on for quite a bit, and frankly none of it is all that interesting. So I'm going to call it a day, and stop typing. :) Besides, I have other things I should be doing, don't I?

"Don't make it a problem...

... when it isn't yet."

Count on good friends to put things in perspective for you.

I am safely back in Gabs after a delightful and relaxing Easter break in Ghanzi and neighboring D'Kar. Don't worry, I'll put up pictures before too long.

I have 13 days left before I fly out, and I'm busy checking things off my list. Mostly, I'm buying souvenirs and the like that I haven't purchased yet for whatever reason. I'm allowing myself to go over my original budget by about $150, because heck, I'm here now! Since I've got a job lined up for the summer, I'm feeling a little bit better about spending money here. I'm fine with penny pinching while I work this summer. I'll be up in the middle of nowhere, anyway! Topping off my list of purchases, aside from random jewelry, are a Setswana Bible, and German print fabric - that is, the fabric from which Batswana sew their very expensive-to-buy traditional dresses. I'm going to cheat the system, buy the fabric, and ask my mom to make mine for me. :)

I'm still sad to be leaving here, but the closer I get to my departure, the more excited I am to go home. I've got less than two weeks now, and I can hardly wait!

Random Thoughts

Getting dressed is colorful. I pull on brown pants, turquoise tee, Workman-red converse, and a bright blue sweater that I got from a share box last year, with a knitted green heart sewn over the hole in the chest. It's cool outside. So many weeks I've been slagging through the irate heat of 80 and 90 degrees, and now all-of-a-sudden we're moving under a haze of 60 to 70 degree weather. Winter is upon us, it would seem, and I wonder if this is how it's going to be for the rest of my time here. I can't help but hope: after all, fall is my favorite season and this is about the temperature that would be. Still, I am glad that I at least get to experience some semblance of "winter" this year - even if it's not quite to the same standards that I am used to.

I have 19 days left before I leave, and I'm pulling out of my reflective mood, and heading towards excitement, but I'll try and dwell on a few things here.

There are some things that you forget about if they're not a part of your life. Scales are one of those things. I haven't really given too much thought to my weight here, aside from thinking that I should exercise more and wishing that the pool chemicals hadn't been put off-balance. There was the time early-on when I thought "HOLY CRAP, I'M REALLY FAT!" - but then I started taking antibiotics for my stomach problems and that went away. Every now and then I've thought to myself that I perhaps had a bit of belly pudge going on, but since it never seemed to stick, I decided that I could accord it to similar digestion issues. Aside from that, I haven't really given my weight much of a thought. But the other day one of my friends gave the comment, "You're really looking good, you've been losing weight. I've noticed that you've been gradually slimming down, or becoming more muscular, or something like that since we got here." I was rather startled, since I haven't felt like I'm slimming down at all, but I accepted the compliment. So now I'm curious: when I get to a place with a scale, I'm going to have to weigh myself and see if I really have changed my weight in any direction since I came here.

In an unrelated vein, I'm cutting back on my food spending right now. Trying to focus on fruits and bakery items that will fill me up healthy, and hold off from buying chocolate every time I go to the store. I'm walking the fine line between keeping my shelves stocked and finishing what I have by the time I leave. I purchased what I think will be my last large jar of peanut butter - although it's possible I may get another small one before I go, depending on my consumption. I'm branching out and enjoying a hot dog or a pie, and not purchasing the usual P7 juice to go with it, so that I pay less for my meals. My goal is to finish off my meal plan by the 8th or so and then just pay cash for my meals until I leave. The reason for all this saving: I'm almost out of money, and I decided that I'm going to buy whatever I want and do whatever I want because, heck, I'm here! And I might not get the chance to buy something or do something again!

I've got such little time left. Today is the last day of classes, tomorrow I leave for a weekend trip to Ghanzi for Easter Break, and then I'll have a few days bumming around campus before the next week starts and I take my exams. Somewhere in there I'd like to have a "Good-bye" party with the choir. Nothing big, just some good fun and good company. I'm busy trying to start tying off my loose ends before I go, so that everything is in order. That means collecting signatures, returning books, paying library fines (my setswana books went overdue, are you surprised?), exchanging photos, receiving music, and all sorts of other fun things like that. Because when I get back from my little vacation here, I'll have 14 days left. I'm sad to leave, but I'm excited to go back home and share everything with my family and friends - which means I need to get everything I possibly can to share!

;)

Last week of classes

Yesterday when I woke up in the morning it dawned on me: this is my last week of classes! Holy crap! I've only got four more days of classes and then I'm done sitting through lectures for the rest of the semester!

I brought my camera with me to choir yesterday and took a few pictures. I felt kind of awkward taking photos of common things, but they won't be very common in a few weeks, so I just had to get over that. Amon told me I should take my camera with me everyday so we can take goofy pictures. Gee, maybe I should have started bringing my camera earlier...

I'm still trying to finish my jump roping paper for Children's Traditions and Dramatics. I'm at something like 11 or 12 pages, and I've got to get to the minimum of 15 before the end of the week. I'm hoping to finish it either today or tomorrow, but we'll see how things play out. Wednesday at the latest, it should be done. I can't say that it's going to be the best paper ever, though. I've lost interest and I'm running out of things to say, so... yeah.

Anyway, I've got a decent-sized to-do list for today and I think I'll go ahead and get crack-a-lackin' on that. I would be doing laundry right now, but it's cold and cloudy outside. 59*! I'll probably still end up washing a few things and hanging them up inside, we'll see.

22 days: 1 week of classes; 1 weekend of Easter travels; 1 week of boredom; 1 week of exams; 4 days of preparation; and I'm gone.

Analogy: poetic musings and reflections

the only drop of white in a sea of black faces

the subliminal whisper of english amidst the roar of setswana

the reed that sways rhythmless against all the others and their good time

I can try to blend in as much as I want, but I cannot forget why people are staring at me.

I can try to speak another language, but there are only so many words I can say or understand.

I can try to learn the dance, but if I don't have the rhythm in me, it's only a fleeting thing.

But I continue to will my skin darker so that I won't be noticed,

continue to stretch my limits of understanding so that my thoughts will be heard,

continue to join in the dance: praying that something will stick, that the next day I'll remember, and the next, and the next after that.

24 days and I'm coming home. I'm taking some new things with me, and I'm leaving old parts of me here. I hope you're okay with the change.

Changes

This morning I was outside doing my laundry when I got to thinking...

... I've only got 3.5 weeks left, which means I'll probably only do handwashing about three or four more times before I leave. Maybe five at the most.

... My clothes are getting a bit stretched - particularly the unmentionables - and I'm going to have to put most of the shirts to goodwill, and buy new unmentionables when I get home, because things are just getting worn out. It's rough on your clothes to handwash on a weekly basis and to wear the same 10 things week-in and week-out.

... It's going to be nice to be able to just throw everything in a machine when I get home and know that it'll come out well-cleaned. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the most deft handwasher around, and things may or may not be starting to smell a wee bit odd.

... 27 days. Twenty-seven days. Masome a mabedi le bosupa. Bosupa is one of my favorite numbers to say because it reminds me of the noises the guys start making in choir when they get really into a traditional song.

... I'm getting torn in two.

crushed.

Yesterday they finally announced the date that they figured out for the Duma Botswana Choir concert: May 14.

I leave on May 10th.

I cried.

Progressions

So since I started to feel a cold creeping up on me last Sunday, I have watched it progress from sore throat to chesty cough to the current stage: super-runny nose. Boo.

This morning I tried to go to church, realized that by the time I got to the gate it was already 10 o'clock and I had stopped to blow my nose twice, and decided that the best way would be to buy my cough drops and walk back home to continue work on my final papers and listen to Christian music in my iTunes. So that's exactly what I've been doing.

Last night I finished my final paper for Afro-Caribbean Literature - one day ahead of schedule! This morning I put the finishing touches on it and proper-ized all the citations. On the side, I've been rotating through multiple hankies draped over my window sill so that I'm always blowing my nose on a dry one. This is where the problem of not having easy access to the stores comes in. Oh well. All I can say is that I'm for sure going to be washing all my hankies in a separate basin tomorrow morning. I just hope that this runny nose business decides to only last one day. :P

The season of paper-writing is upon us.

That's right: it's finally here. The moments we've all been procrastinating for. Being done with classes for the week, I can officially say that I only have two more weeks of classes to go, and a whole lot of work to be done. This weekend the focus is on my Afro-Caribbean Literature course. We have a five-page (so, rather short) research paper due on Wednesday. This professor is tough as nails, and I want my paper to be really good for her, so I'm legitimately putting in the effort of a 10-15 page research paper. My topic: how female dub poets bring in their perspective to the issues addressed in dub poetry. More or less.

And the moment I get that paper done (and probably throughout as well), I'll be working my butt off to write my final paper - 15-20 pages, handwritten - for Children's Traditions and Dramatics. This paper is a bit more abstract, and will not be as easy to come up with, I don't think, but I am excited to write it. It's about the changes in jump roping over the last three generations (roughly). So far I've got the introduction roughly written up, but I need to do a fair amount of book research to beef up my field research on the topic, and that's not necessarily all that easy. I'm hoping that I will, then, finish my English paper by the end of the weekend so that I can spend all week working on this CTD one, since it's bigger and will require more finagling.

And when next week comes to an end I will have one more week to go, and hopefully be done with my papers, and hopefully be traveling for the weekend in Francistown or something like that. And when that next week comes to an end, it will be Easter weekend, and I will hopefully be traveling to Ghanzi in the upper reaches of the Kalahari, or something like that. And then that week: ga ke itse what I'll be doing, because I won't have exams and I won't have anything to do with myself. Hmm... I'm sure I'll come up with something. Maybe I'll go do things around Gabs that I haven't done yet but think I ought to, or that I've already done but wouldn't mind doing again, like going to the museum, the botanical gardens, a theatre performance, to the movies (maybe the Gaborone Film Society?), et cetera. Like I said: I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Then there's the matter of the big Duma Botswana choir concert, which will either be on the 16th of April or on the 7th of May. Hmm...

Cool morning.

It's finally cold, at least for now. Yesterday and this morning, some 60 degrees Fahrenheit. It's morning and I'm sipping a mug of rooibos, trying to soothe an achy throat and kickstart my super-hydration which I undergo in the hopes that I can flush this bug out of my system. Ben Jelen is playing through speakers that have recently sounded a bit fuzzy - I blame it on the ants, but my attempt at taking apart the casing to see if they're doing anything in there were all for nought. It's hard to dismantle one of these things.

Choir is going on a trip at the end of the semester, and I'm finding myself wishing that I could extend my stay for a week to hang out with them. But Dad just bought my train ticket from Chicago to HOM, it's expensive to change your flights, and if I don't come back that week I'll miss out on seeing friends (some of whom are graduating) and having important talks with my professors. I'm torn between two worlds.

Last night Amon asked me if I would ever come back. I almost wanted to cry. I told him I would like to, but that it wouldn't be the same. He had to agree with that. He wants me to get a Facebook so we can keep in touch. The thought has crossed my mind multiple times, but I just don't know how I'd feel about getting back on Facebook again. I really don't like the thing, but it really would be the only way to "keep in touch" with most of my friends here. It's a great debate.

Where I want to be and where I planned on being are no longer matching up right now. I have become a person who doesn't know, who isn't sure, and I don't like it. Now what am I supposed to do?

Flu

Here's a linguistic tidbit for you: here in Bots, everything is called flu. That is, I currently am having a bit of nose trouble and a sore-ish throat, plus an odd cough, and I have been informed that I have flu. Flu comes in many shapes and sizes, and it is most often blamed on the use of a fan, particularly at night. Needless to say I have stopped turning on the fan on my side for now.

Halls are available from the little tables set up outside the school gates, 30 thebe a piece, and there is actual honey in the honey lemon ones.

This morning I woke up late and with such a poor throat and nose setup that I decided to skip my first class of the day in favor of a hot cup of tea and studying for my afternoon Ecology test. I am also working on my final paper for Afro-Caribbean literature today, which she assigned in class yesterday, with the topic/thesis/outline due tomorrow, and the final paper due a week from tomorrow! Eek! Really sprung that one on us...

I'm listening to the Grateful Dead this morning, and thinking about how nice it will be to wake up to the sound of that amazing radio my brother got me for Christmas when I get home.

I hope the weather is still at least a little bit cool when I get back there....

37 days and counting...

It's hard to believe, but my time here is coming to an end. I have just three more weeks of classes - that's just 18 days before my courses will all come to a close. Then two weeks of exams, and the big Duma Botswana choir concert, three days of kicking it around Gabs, and then I'll be off!

Absolutely crazy.

It's so strange to think about leaving this place, but perhaps it's stranger to think about coming back home and living my normal American life again. Okay, so I'm pretty abnormal compared to many Americans, but the life I live with the amenities I have in the U.S. is very different from the life I lead here. Two examples: I certainly won't be waking up early to hand wash my clothes every Monday and Wednesday. And I certainly won't be speaking Setswana day-in and day-out and trying to figure out what everyone around me is saying.

Today on the way back from church I had a conversation with Zhinzhi and Kaone about how holidays in the U.S. are completely commercialized. It was actually Zhinzhi who started the conversation, saying that the Americans always go out and have to buy something for someone on every holiday, and that we have all these useless, pointless holidays in America that are just there so we can buy things. I agreed with her, although I tried to point out that we don't buy gifts for every holiday - Thanksgiving, for instance, is all about being together with family and eating good food. But Kaone pointed out that we buy turkeys. Touché.

I hope that I'm leaving this beautiful place full of beautiful people for something more than a bunch of over-commercialized, machine-washing, English-speaking, turkey-buying Americans.